life goes on

and so it goes

a good thing comes

and so it goes

you will find love

and so it goes

you know where you're from

and so it goes

everything is known

and so it goes

the light is shown

and so it goes

life goes on

and so it goes

Currently Listening Plans By Death Cab for Cutie see related

This was a weekend of reflection, not of what I've done in life but moreso what I've become in life. I seem to be withdrawn from many of my familiar social atmospheres for they no longer interest me. Not that I cannot have fun with my old friends its just that I feel like everything everyone I hang out with does is something I have done before. I am bored with my current life. I want more! My recent attempts at creating new work in Robert's class has opened my eyes to the reality of theatre. Before this summer I thought of acting as just an ability and a means to my greater end. Now I see it as a craft and a need of society.

Moments of life are fickle and profound, unpredictable and expected, dismissed and adored. This is something you must always remember. The world will continue, past your time and beyond the next, but to know that you've made an impact, caused a change, or inspired someone is a fulfilling experience which everyone should have. Life is beautiful and so are you. To know this is to know love. To share love with another is to escape existence and be free of the world. A feeling that is uncomparable to anything else. Souls wane and wax throughout lives, but when united stand strong. Love. A simple notion, yet unimaginably complicated. I admit (looks around) I am a hopeless romantic, but there's something about having a moral and dignified outlook in a world of carelessness and immorality that makes me feel a stronger sense of identity and understanding of the world. I come from a small town full of small minded people, yet my understanding and love for others is limitless. I don't quite understand why, but there's always an optimistic undertone in my actions, wether for myself or for someone else. But I've realized I can't please everyone. Though I wish I had more, I only have so much of myself to give.

I feel like I can see inside people. Not like x-ray eyes, but to their true selves. It's really amazing. To know someone as a certain type of person from their daily actions and talk of them from other people is such a shallow knowledge. At the moment I truly look at someone and understand them all I can see is beauty. If not the beauty of their soul then of the innocence of such an exposure. Remarkable. Do others see this? I have all these things that happen in my head and I always wonder if others do too. I am silent about many things in my life because my mind exists apart of my body. There is my present self that responds to the outside world, but then there is also my diligent subconscious always driving toward answers to the questions that pop into my head during everyday experience. Weird huh? Guess its just something I need to work on.

So anyway, I've been away for a long time, partially because I was ridiculously busy and partially because I had no access to the internet. But I've experienced alot since my last entry and have alot to say. First of all I want to thank everyone involved in "The Shape Of Things". It was my first substantial role in a play. Scary! Thankfully, I had a supportive group of people to keep me comfortable during performance (and in-scene script rewrites, sorry Clarck) I also want to apologize for my abrupt exit from our cast party. I am a very complicated individual. I've learned, through a troubled past, to have little trust in anyone and to never show vulnerability. This unfortunately leads me to do unexplainable things. But, to quote ocean's twelve, "It's not in my nature to be mysterious, but I can't talk about it and I can't talk about why." Yeah so, I guess that's it for now. I'm kind of tired and don't feel like being philosophical right now. But I will leave you with something I wrote down randomly when I got home from going out one night. In the morning I was amazed. It can be applied to acting or real life, it's "subjective"

To exceed your own existence you must reflect on inexperiences and remember imagination.

Stop, look around, smile.

"The Great Light of Love"

The breeze blows, the grass grows, the sun glows, so that the son shows, newborn glory retelling the old story, of gods and men becoming one in the same, the odds that then believed in were shamed, but ignorant oppression is a small barrier when exuberant expression brings love to it's carrier, my children become mirrors when the light I shine is reflected, to distinguish the darkness and sadness of the neglected, by opening their minds their hearts are set free, the world is locked and I an the key

Currently Listening Plans By Death Cab for Cutie see related

So, back to real life. I had my depression, my breakthrough, and my regression. The endless cycle that distracts from my purpose. One of my best friends almost died over break. He had been one of the main negative influences in my life and he drove drunk into a tree. Scary, huh. He survived without even a broken bone. Now, what is the lesson learned? Will he see the light or believe in youthful invulnerability. I hope he finally sees the world because I am a prime example of the extreme vulnerability of youth. Though I feel I am past my seemingly ignorant outlook on life, there is still much to learn. The solution to the cycle would be a great revelation. But for now, I'll wait. I'll wait, but I won't wander. I'll stick to my new path, cutting through the thick foliage of influence and seeing through the sensory depriving mask of normalcy. A friend asked me when I was home if I could be myself around other people besides my true best friends. I told her that I am not myself around anyone. My essence is filtered, a number of times depending on who I'm around, so that my mind can direct my body to succeed in their part of my purpose. Its like watching the a movie of what is actually going on. Picking up subtle nuiances of people and understanding everything about them just from a general conversation. But with this ability comes a judgement and its this judgment that makes me isolate myself. I have no faith in mankind. "They know not what they do" is no longer a valid excuse. They do know what they are doing, yet they continue. Why? Personal gain, comfort, pleasure, wealth, all for just the price of another's spirit. And thats what we do. We crush others' spirits in an attempt to calm the storm of our own spirit's cries to change our ways. I just can't do it. It may make me different, an outcast. I don't care! I have to progress. I can no longer follow what I do not understand. So judge me if you will, but know that I am at peace with myself and love and cherish life and I wish the same to you.

Prescription: Stop, look around yourself and smile, continue with your day.